It's called "subclinical hypothyroidism". This is a condition in which the body does not produce sufficient quantities of the thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH). In layman's terms, the thyroid is a little gland that helps regulate your energy level. Mine is underactive.
I went through this 13 years ago, right after Little Bit was born. Only then, we added a lovely bout of postpartum depression to the mix, and I was a real mess. Thank God for Zoloft and Synthroid. ;) A year later I was pretty much back to normal, and the doc has been keeping a spot check on my thyroid levels since then. I guess I'm pretty lucky to have made it 13 years without a relapse.
How funny is it that I'm actually relieved to know there is something physically wrong with me? But it does explain a lot - the lack of energy or motivation, the weight gain (you don't want to know). I was analyzing things from my own point of view in terms of where I am now compared to where I was when I had the depression. Were I in my depressive state, I would have looked at the two project boards on the wall in my study, with their lists of names upon names of authors I've promised to interview and books I've committed to review, and I would have been overwhelmed.
In my current state, I'm not overwhelmed. I'm not overemotional. I'm simply over-apathetic. I'm tired - all the time. What's worse, I don't even have the energy or motivation to get upset about it. Frankly, Scarlet, I just don't care.
Actually, that's not entirely true. I do care. I just don't have the gumption to do anything about it. I'm getting there, though. And it's not that I don't take pleasure in doing things (also a sign of depression - it's a good sign that I still enjoy doing all the things I love to do). Once I get myself sparked enough to work on something, I'm fine. But it wears me out, so I can only do a little at a time.
So, for those of you who have been worried about me, I thank you as graciously as I possibly can. And I want to emphasize how much I appreciate your support and concern. I'm on medication now, which should bring me back to normal (well, as normal as you could call it) very soon.
In the meantime, I'll be here when I can. I am still writing, still reading and still busy with life - The Tall One's graduation is now less than three weeks away, and prom is this weekend. Little Bit is playing soccer, and The Boy is up to his elbows (which are considerably higher off the ground than they used to be) in band activities. If I can stay awake for all of it, I'll be sure to post updates along the way.
The WMVR says if my admonition that reading a book is good for you is true, she should be the healthiest person on the planet ... how about trying to outdo her today?
=) JB
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment