My life has been on another one of those runs of busy lately. This morning I was on a cleaning binge (a rarity) and for some reason I started thinking about an old friend of ours with whom we have recently reconnected - after 18 years. He was one of my very best friends in high school, we ended up at the same college, and he was the one who actually introduced me to the WGH. We tell him - 20 years and 3 kids later - that it's all his fault. We've all come to grips with it. ;)
But thinking about that friend - and so as not to confuse you, we'll call him Band Bud - made me think about another friend, the third member of a trio that included Band Bud and myself when we were in high school. These two guys were like my big brothers, I their bratty little sister who was always tagging along. It was rare to see one of us without the other two, especially if you happened to walk into the band room at any given moment. Our friendships lasted through college, and then, as adults sometimes do, we all went our separate ways and lost touch with each other. But I thought about both of them often, and even tried a few times to reconnect with them, without much success.
As I mentioned, the WGH and I have recently reconnected with Band Bud, and he may never know how much being back in touch with him means to me. I love him dearly, always have and do still, and I'm one of those firm believers in the value of good friends and in obeying the promptings of God when He says, "You need to talk to this person again."
By now you've probably guessed what my point is. Our dear friend, the third member of our trio, passed away a few years back. He was 38. When I heard the news, I was devastated. It was hard for me to explain why the death of someone I hadn't talked to or seen in 16 years still hit me as hard as it did, but a close current friend explained it to me with a compassion and understanding that only someone who truly knows me could have done. He said, "You don't have casual relationships. You love your friends with such a deep capacity and a fierce loyalty that they will always be your friends, regardless of how much time passes." And he's right. One of the reasons my BF has been my BF for over 30 years, even though we can't see each other as often as we'd like.
It hit me while I was cleaning this morning - it was 5 years ago today that our friend died. And in my mind I played the conversation that hasn't happened yet, the one between Band Bud and me, the one that I've dreaded for the past 5 years. He didn't have any way of knowing whether I knew. I assumed he knew but couldn't be sure. Both of us afraid to make that call. And what do you say? How do you make up for time lost? It's not possible. So we grieve, we cope, and we move on. Together. Being there for each other in case one of us breaks down along the way.
And maybe if he's reading this, we won't have to have that conversation. We'll just know the other knows we know and we'll take comfort in the fact that we have grieved together in spirit, if not in person.
I will always be grateful to God for the many dear friends He has brought into my life - current and past. They're in my heart, whether we're in touch or haven't made contact in years. And that's important. So very important.
When I finally get another book published, in addition to my usual acknowledgements, it will contain a dedication to our friend - I wrote it 5 years ago, in loving memory of him, "who taught me the value of friendship by simply being my friend."
Love your friends with all your heart. Life's too short not to.
=) JB
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." (1 John 3:18, NIV)
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